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For a Desi, there is no such thing as a beautiful sofa, sari, or bar of soap in itself. The beauty of an object is not left to mere subjective criteria to be discussed for its own sake. Beauty, until quantified in monetary terms and at a discount, is not beautiful.

If a bargain is beautiful, then a Desi’s home is his own personal art gallery and he will be most anxious to give you a guided tour. Spreadsheets will be provided as well as a detailed history recounting the dangerous conditions endured to acquire each piece in the exhibit.  A deal is not elevated to beautiful status until a Desi can regale others with the tale.

To pay full price is equivalent to being white. In fact, it’s a mark of ABCD behaviour.  If you have paid full price, It would be useless to defend your indiscretion by quoting such saps as John Keats (Beauty is truth, truth beauty) when trying to refute the Cartesian coordinate calculation of beauty. A Desi will smile politely and then say to a fellow Desi in his mother tongue (and in front of young white sap’s poetry quoting face) what a poor, sweet fool he is for believing such rubbish.  But before he decides to brandish the chap, he will recall that such naivety is the reason his corner store sells out candy bars at a 200% margin, so he’ll keep these thoughts to himself.

One unfamiliar with this ritual might feel awkward when first cornered on a sofa with an overzealous host and confronted with this odd monetary openness, especially in an amorous setting.  While another suitor will artfully attempt to corner a woman on his new, sleek leather loveseat in order to make good on the furniture’s namesake, a Desi man will enthusiastically launch into a detailed accounting of his, well, accounts.  How the loveseat was $1,200 retail, he waited for a sale, but then convinced the salesman to waive delivery fees if he paid in cash (Desis don’t like credit cards) and then found a coupon for 85% off and then talked the guy into throwing in all the pillows for free as well as the stain guard, and then…

At this point the cornered female may begin to question the heterosexuality of her date or decide he is the cheapest man in North America.  What she fails to grasp is that her dashing Desi date is actually in prime wooing mode.  He has just displayed his superior hunting abilities in the concrete jungle and she is now sitting on his captured prey.  He is wondering why she doesn’t appear more seduced.  The best way to encourage a more romantic mood is to praise him roundly and let him know that bargain hunting is your idea of foreplay.  Watch him melt in your frugal fingers!

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